Dina:
There has been a lot going on since the end of the Total Transformation. Physically, emotionally, mentally. I asked Kelly for a “guest post” spot on her blog and she obliged.
So where am I now? After months of dealing with some abdominal pain and numerous tests, I was diagnosed with stress-induced IBS. So after completely changing my diet to healthy RAW veggies, fruits, etc., I had to change it again. It’s a balancing act with the timing of foods now…soluable fiber before any kind of insoluable fiber, eating slower, more water, etc. Not any harder that what I was doing before…just different.
But eating is now the easy part. Stress management is proving to be a bit more difficult. At the end of the Transformation, my stress level and anxiety shot through the roof. My son’s diagnosis of Type 1 diabetes 7 years ago weighs very heavily on me every day but compounded with the most recent events, it became overwhelming. (And it doesn’t get easier with time, contrary to what people would like to believe). And sometimes my husband’s job can be, well, a little dangerous. Kelly has noticed and recently commented on my physical and mental decline. The conversation went something like this:
Me: I went to go see a therapist today.
Kelly: And…what did he say?
Me: That I have unusually high stressors beyond my control. Things I cannot make go away. He suggested I start taking an anti-anxiety med to help take the edge off.
Kelly: So he told you something you already knew. And why do you need the meds?
Me: Because he said I did.
Kelly: No…that’s not what I asked. I asked YOU why do you need the meds? Think of it like paintballs…you can have paintballs fired at you left and right. And they can either make a beautiful picture of a complete mess. I have watched your picture turn into a mess over the last six months. Do you think the meds with help you get back to the beautiful picture?
Me: (with big huge tears) Yes.
Kelly: Then go for it. But take care of ALL of you at the same time.
I may have paraphrased…but this is the gist of it.
It was an extremely poignant conversation…one I will not soon forget. And this wasn’t coming from my trainer…nor was she preaching to me…it was from a friend who cares about me very much. And waited for me to say the words she has been wanting me to say for a while now.
Paintballs.
The other piece that we spoke about was getting to the root of the problem. AJ was diagnosed seven years ago. My husband has been in his line of work for most of the 12 years we have been married. So what happened recently that caused me to feel this overwhelming amount of anxiety? Kelly prodded a little and forced me to peel back the layers.
Kelly: You haven’t been the same since you hurt your back. And had to leave your job.
Me: And made the decision not to pursue nursing school.
Kelly: Yup. Layers.
Me: (Again, huge tears) Yup.
Onions.
The point of this post is that when the Transformation was going on, I was on a downhill spiral. But I couldn’t see it. I was fighting my body by fueling it with foods (although extremely healthy) were not “digestively-correct” for me. I was worried…all the time…about things I could not and won’t ever be able to control. How did I expect myself to lose a significant amount of weight when I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders? All self-induced of course…and the only transformation I made was making a beautiful picture into a muddled mess.
Today, I feel better. Good. Happy. Less anxious. I still worry…but I am coming to terms with the things I cannot control. My paintballs are starting to make a clearer, less muddled mess. I have been slowly peeling back the layers and dealing with underlying issues. And guess what? The RNG??? Starting to show signs of a happier, healthier me as well. It starts from the inside…
(:0) shout it out girl, love you!
