Paintballs and Onions

Dina: 

There has been a lot going on since the end of the Total Transformation. Physically, emotionally, mentally. I asked Kelly for a “guest post” spot on her blog and she obliged.

So where am I now? After months of dealing with some abdominal pain and numerous tests, I was diagnosed with stress-induced IBS. So after completely changing my diet to healthy RAW veggies, fruits, etc., I had to change it again. It’s a balancing act with the timing of foods now…soluable fiber before any kind of insoluable fiber, eating slower, more water, etc. Not any harder that what I was doing before…just different.

But eating is now the easy part. Stress management is proving to be a bit more difficult. At the end of the Transformation, my stress level and anxiety shot through the roof. My son’s diagnosis of Type 1 diabetes 7 years ago weighs very heavily on me every day but compounded with the most recent events, it became overwhelming. (And it doesn’t get easier with time, contrary to what people would like to believe). And sometimes my husband’s job can be, well, a little dangerous. Kelly has noticed and recently commented on my physical and mental decline. The conversation went something like this:

Me: I went to go see a therapist today.

Kelly: And…what did he say?

Me: That I have unusually high stressors beyond my control. Things I cannot make go away. He suggested I start taking an anti-anxiety med to help take the edge off.

Kelly: So he told you something you already knew. And why do you need the meds?

Me: Because he said I did.

Kelly: No…that’s not what I asked. I asked YOU why do you need the meds? Think of it like paintballs…you can have paintballs fired at you left and right. And they can either make a beautiful picture of a complete mess. I have watched your picture turn into a mess over the last six months. Do you think the meds with help you get back to the beautiful picture?

Me: (with big huge tears) Yes.

Kelly: Then go for it. But take care of ALL of you at the same time.

I may have paraphrased…but this is the gist of it.

It was an extremely poignant conversation…one I will not soon forget. And this wasn’t coming from my trainer…nor was she preaching to me…it was from a friend who cares about me very much. And waited for me to say the words she has been wanting me to say for a while now.

Paintballs.

The other piece that we spoke about was getting to the root of the problem. AJ was diagnosed seven years ago. My husband has been in his line of work for most of the 12 years we have been married. So what happened recently that caused me to feel this overwhelming amount of anxiety? Kelly prodded a little and forced me to peel back the layers.

Kelly: You haven’t been the same since you hurt your back. And had to leave your job.

Me: And made the decision not to pursue nursing school.

Kelly: Yup. Layers.

Me: (Again, huge tears) Yup.

Onions.

The point of this post is that when the Transformation was going on, I was on a downhill spiral. But I couldn’t see it. I was fighting my body by fueling it with foods (although extremely healthy) were not “digestively-correct” for me. I was worried…all the time…about things I could not and won’t ever be able to control. How did I expect myself to lose a significant amount of weight when I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders? All self-induced of course…and the only transformation I made was making a beautiful picture into a muddled mess.

Today, I feel better. Good. Happy. Less anxious. I still worry…but I am coming to terms with the things I cannot control. My paintballs are starting to make a clearer, less muddled mess. I have been slowly peeling back the layers and dealing with underlying issues. And guess what? The RNG??? Starting to show signs of a happier, healthier me as well. It starts from the inside…

 Kelly:

(:0) shout it out girl, love you!

Day 86

Dina:

The clock is ticking. This last 90 days has slipped away in a blink of an eye. And the Random Number Generator has not moved.

Sigh…

BUT…I have gained more in this past 90 days psychologically than I would have if those pounds had slipped off effortlessly. And this is really what this transformation was all about. Now, don’t get me wrong, if I had lost the 30 lbs that I had wanted to, I am sure my psychological health would have been pretty good, but would I have gained the knowledge that I have today? Probably not.

First and foremost, Kelly LaCasse is one of the most personable, funny, caring, crazy people I know. And it translates into her personal training. I have been hanging on to the thought that if we did not see remarkable results, I would be jeopardizing her credibility as a trainer…and I have hung onto that “guilt” for weeks. But I have come to realize and Kelly will agree, that the only person my progress reflects on…is me. Personal trainers can push you to exercise, to eat right and to track your progress…but at the end of the day, it is YOU that makes decisions that can affect your progress when the trainer is not around. Trainers cannot change your mind…YOU do. I can honestly say there has not been a time where we have met or talked or even emailed where I have not laughed to tears at some point in our many conversations. And even though our relationship will transition, she will (hopefully) remain one of my closest friends…

Towards the end, the wind got knocked out of my sails. For no other reason than the Random Number Generator was looming and I knew it wasn’t budging. I have encountered a good deal of struggle and strife in my 39 years, but this battle with my weight is probably the most draining and frustrating. And something happened over these last 3 weeks that made me even more distressed…I had become obsessed with my weight and food. It’s all I have thought about. This is not how you lose weight. It consumed me…much to the chagrin of my family. The key here is to be mindful…but not obsessed. To be present…but not consumed. To have fun…not think of this as a chore or a job.

And ugh…the number of excuses I came up with…thyroid, stomach, back…and while some were “legit”, there are always ways to maneuver around injury or illness. This part leaves me a little disgusted with myself. I have always thought of myself as a fighter, scrappy to the very end, but it seems as though the aches and pains got the best of me. It had nothing to do with age, or timing, or support…it had everything to do with ME. As a whole person. Making and keeping a commitment to myself.

Now the positives. I eat better. I am mindful of ingredients. I control my portions. I have a better understanding of MY psychological connection to food and how to control cravings. I found exercise that I absolutely love to do and feel crappy when I don’t do it. I know who is part of my support system. I set a huge goal for myself to participate in a 100 mile bike ride as part of a fundraiser for diabetes. The funny part of that goal is that the last time I have owned a bike it had a banana seat and tassles on the handlebars. The serious part of that goal is that I intend to pedal every mile. And I know, that when I get all the pieces to the puzzle to finally connect, I will reach my weight loss goal.

And while all of the above is super fantastic, there was one VITAL change that happened towards the end of this 90 days that will be instrumental to any future progress. When I look in the mirror (now, pay attention because this is huge) I actually like what I see. Because I no longer see that kid with the mouth full of braces and 80’s mullet. I see a mom, wife, sister, daughter, and friend aging gracefully and making changes to better my life. If you don’t like what you see, you will never move forward.

Thank you Kelly, for everything. The laughs, the tears, the advice, the BIG EYES, the swears, the stories, the inspiration, the toughness, and the love. You are an amazing person and I am thankful to call you my friend.

My last blog post (unless enough of you say “keep blogging”!!!) will be about my plan for the next 90 days. Training for the century ride. Nutrition. My business. My exercise plans. But I am hoping that “you” say that you still want to ride with me on this journey… ;)

"Nothing to it but to Do it!"

Kelly:

Dina is very wise and she is beginning to understand what the last 90 days has brought her, she should also understand that I will always be “here” when she’s “there or here”.  I think we all need to know that support is extremely important, if these blogs over the last 90 days hasn’t proved that to all the readers, then there isn’t much more I can really say.  I will say the first time I was able to read Dina’s blog post – this one-  I had to go re-apply my damn eye-makeup!! Sure!  One of the 3 or 4 times a month I get to wear it and had to go do it all over again.  HAHA! Dina is very sweet to put so much thought into me in this post.  Not necessary, but THANK YOU. 

I mentioned just today that “I feel bad for Dina”, then thought, I shouldn’t.  I was corrected when someone’s response was, “No, you feel bad because you want Dina to succeed.”  That person was RIGHT.  My vision of succeed just turned out different than expected 90 days ago. (note, I did not use past tense on purpose)

When we begin to really see our lives, our support, who we associate with, how we feel about others and how other “things” are prioritized you begin to succeed at your goals.  No matter what they are.  Never give yourself a ceiling.  Always reach for YOU, there is no reason we can’t be our best everyday.  Best = ??  You decide.

By the way, you make a wonderful point about having fun with your goal; it should never, ever, ever, ever be a chore.

S!&T ya, I want to keep blogging.  Why the F#@k not?  Is that the swearing you were talking about? Potty!  J  My offer for the bike/website offer still stands too by the way.

………….day 1a.  Dina, throw away your scale!

(to be continued)

"If You Can Change Your Mind You CAN Change Your Body"

Kelly LaCasse

Fitsique Body & Mind

www.fitsiquebodyandmind.net

kellylacasse@verizon.net

Dina Wiroll                                                

Feed Your Soul                                        

www.feedyoursoulnow.com                         

dina@feedyoursoulnow.com

Day 77

Dina:

Acupuncture was AMAZING. I highly, HIGHLY recommend it. My acupuncturist is a really fantastic woman, young, progressive…and immediately knew I was a level 13 in terms of stress. In addition, the acupuncturist said my liver qi was stagnant. Some of you may think acupuncture is garbage, but I did some research and here is what I found out:

“When the Liver energy is stuck, physically, we experience a feeling of distension in the chest, which the body attempts to relieve by sighing. Often there is discomfort just below the ribcage along the path of the Liver meridian. Hiccups may be due to the Liver Qi stagnating in the diaphragm. Because of the close relationship of the Liver and Gallbladder, neck and shoulder tension are common along the path of the Gallbladder meridian. Because a branch of the Liver meridian ascends to the top of the head, vertex headaches are common.

Emotionally, we feel irritable and depressed or have pronounced mood swings when the Liver Qi is stuck. The Liver channel also flows to the throat, so the feeling of a lump in the throat that is worse when stressed, called plum-pit qi in Chinese medicine, is attributed to Liver Qi stagnation.

Because the energy is predominant in the Liver meridian between 1 and 3 a.m. according to the Chinese medicine body clock, people with a Liver imbalance often will wake up habitually during this time and not be able to fall back asleep.

Because of the Liver's regulatory effect on the Qi of the Stomach and Spleen, digestive complaints are common. Acid reflux, irritable bowel syndrome, nausea and abdominal distention may be due to a Liver imbalance affecting the Stomach or Spleen.”

Some of this is dead on. I am sharing because I always go into situations a bit cynical…and always do my research afterwards. I also want you to know that since the session, I have slept through every night. No waking up at 3 am every morning…for the first time in 6+ years!!!

I agree with everything Kelly wrote in our last post. It has been a struggle to get back on track this week...but her response was exactly what I needed to reframe and refocus. I went shopping this week and really concentrated on veggies and fruits and whole grains. Did you know quinoa is a fantastic breakfast food?? I am stocking up on new recipes and will be sharing on my website. I am reprogramming for the new splits Coach Kel gave me…protein, protein, PROTEIN!!!

Emotionally, I can feel the “eff-its” creeping in because there has been no movement in the scale…which is nobody’s fault but my own. However, the “eff-its” exist nonetheless. Th “eff-its” are those sneaky thoughts which lurk behind the scenes ready to sabotage your day at any moment. You know EXACTLY what I am talking about…it’s cold and snowy and “eff-it”, I’ll work out tomorrow. Or that damn scale hasn’t moved, so “eff-it”, I give up! This is where my relationship with Kelly is key and your support system becomes more vital than ever. I don’t think I expressed to Kelly that I felt this way - but our relationship is such that I know she won’t let me give up. Knowing that, in and of itself, that helps me push the “eff-it’s” away…

TRX tomorrow. A few miles on the bike tomorrow night. My swim partner is away for 2 weeks but I am still going. And I am going to push myself harder than I usually do at the pool. Acupuncture again Wednesday and I am totally looking forward to it. Try something new this week…it may become a habit! :)

 "Nothing to it but to Do it!"

Kelly:

“Do one thing everyday that scares you” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

‘nuf said.

Oh, except, Dina, thank you for the acknowledgement!  Keep trying, it WILL come to you.

"If You Can Change Your Mind You CAN Change Your Body"

Kelly LaCasse

Fitsique Body & Mind

www.fitsiquebodyandmind.net

kellylacasse@verizon.net

Dina Wiroll                                                

Feed Your Soul                                        

www.feedyoursoulnow.com                         

dina@feedyoursoulnow.com

Day 72

Dina:

I took the weekend off.

I drank. I ate. I enjoyed myself without thinking too much about the random number generator.

Today, I feel like crap. And I am finding it more difficult to get back into logging my food. Did one weekend just undo almost 2.5 months of hard work? I don’t think so…but its hard getting back on the horse once you fall off. Gonna dust myself off, not beat myself up too badly and start again.

Acupuncture tonight to see if maybe some alternative medicine will help with some abdominal pain I have been having. Appointment with GI specialist tomorrow morning.

Kelly and I did my measurements yesterday. I don’t have them handy right now but I was pleased with losing a couple of more inches and losing some body fat percentage points. Random number generator did not show much progress. Damn scale. L

I just want to say this. It took me 2 years to lose almost 50 lbs. And up until recently, I had kept every single pound of it off. It’s a journey…not a sprint. I notice that there is a gentler tone to the voice inside my head these days…not gentler in terms of wanting this less, but not beating myself up as much because of my progress. I WILL get there. Maybe not in this 90 days…or maybe not even in the 90 days to follow…but I WILL get there.

"Nothing to it but to Do it!"

Kelly:

There really are those times that some people just need off.  Taking a day off from anything can be a good thing, that’s the reason for the word vacation.  You need them.

Ever find that sometimes you need a vacation from your vacation?  That’s pretty much the same thing that Dina is talking about, it gets hard to get back on track at times.  Make you wonder “why did I even go on vacation!?” Usually we say that with a hint (or more) of frustration in our voices, right?  So you have to think ahead and plan.  Think ahead and plan for the unexpected.  Think ahead and plan for how you are going to feel about your vacation from your vacation and getting back on track.  Dina has seen the light on getting back on track now from choosing to take the weekend off.

RECIPE FOR SUCCESS:

Let’s be clear:  Yes, a weekend off will absolutely, 100%, no doubt kill 5 days of hard work you just did or more in some cases.  Will one “cheat day” throw you off?  No.  As long as you get to normal the very next day and realize “how much” did you cheat?  What does cheat day mean to you?

Let me clarify.  It takes 3500, three thousand five hundred, burned calories to lose 1 pound of body weight on the RNG.  What is that 3500?  Is it water? Is it fat?  Is it a “good day” because your sodium wasn’t too high?  Monday is our new beginning to most and then Friday afternoon is our relax time…..  Then Saturday morning, then Saturday afternoon, then Saturday night, then Sunday morning, then Sunday night, then it’s regret time.  Ugh! “why did I do that?  Because you thought a vacation would be nice, maybe?  If you total up the REAL amount of calories you consume on a weekend off it doesn’t come close to comparing to one day off. 

Let’s dig a little deeper.  Again, 3500 calories to burn 1 pound.  That’s FIVE HUNDRED calories a day.  Saturday 500, Sunday 500, Monday 500, Tuesday 500, Wednesday 500, Thursday 500, Friday 500.

Not Saturday 250, Sunday off, Monday 500, Tuesday 500, Wednesday 500, Thursday didn’t “exercise” (or whatever you do), drinks Thursday night, Friday stayed in bed because it was cold out (or whatever you do).

Even deeper:  3500 calories to burn 1 pound.

Saturday 500, Sunday 500, Monday 500, Tuesday 500, Wednesday 500, Thursday 500, Friday 500 Saturday 500, Sunday 500, Monday 500, Tuesday 500, Wednesday 500, Thursday 500, Friday 500

Saturday 500, Sunday 500, Monday 500, Tuesday 500, Wednesday 500, Thursday 500, Friday 500

Saturday 500, Sunday 500, Monday 500, Tuesday 500, Wednesday 500, Thursday 500, Friday 500

Saturday 500, Sunday 500, Monday 500, Tuesday 500, Wednesday 500, Thursday 500, Friday 500

Saturday staying within your calories and being within reason.

Sunday staying within your calories and being within reason.

Monday staying within your calories and being within reason.

Tuesday staying within your calories and being within reason.

Wednesday staying within your calories and being within reason.

Thursday staying within your calories and being within reason.

Friday staying within your calories and being within reason.

=1 lb lost

This is why ‘WE’ say nutrition and exercise will get you there!

Move on to next week = do the same thing. 

These are MINIMUM numbers.

You get dressed every day, why can’t you put in the same effort with your nutrition and exercise? Ah-be careful of your answer to that question.

My thought is that means that you (plural) don’t understand what 3500 to burn and proper nutrition means for you.  It may also mean that you’re (plural) not making it a priority.  You (plural) decide and you decide what you want to do with your body and mind.  If you don’t know what to do next, please ask for help, education and support.  Otherwise, keep playing with it and it’ll play back.

OR! Are you going to walk around naked going forward?  How are your jeans fitting?

Based on my research this is what I’ve found:

Dina (as she mentioned) was struggling with her fats. 

Dina has logged 9 days of exercise since Jan 4^th.

Dina has totaled 2,143 calories burned since Jan 4^th.

Dina has been somewhat consistent with her exercise routine.

Dina has been somewhat consistent with logging her caloric intake.

Based on my research this is what needs to change:

Calories need to be no higher than 1470 and no lower than 1450

Splits needs to go to 50/30/20 until further notice

Splits are as follows:

                182g c

                121g p

                27g f

127g of carbs need to be from fruits, vegetables and beans/legumes.

The other 55g can be from whole wheat breads, high fiber breads, cereals, grains/rices.

The “recipe for success” above needs to be followed closely.

Did you wonder why I gave a range of calories?  There is a reason.  Under-eating is NOT a good idea.  Your body needs calories, carbs, fats, protein to WORK and work properly.  If you under-eat and you’re not functioning properly in (fill in blank) way, you’re causing just as much harm as over-eating.  If you under-eat you can’t expect your body to function properly.  Just said the same thing in the same paragraph 2 different ways to really drive that point home. 

So, do you put your left or right leg into your jeans first?

"If You Can Change Your Mind You CAN Change Your Body"

Kelly LaCasse

Fitsique Body & Mind

www.fitsiquebodyandmind.net

kellylacasse@verizon.net

Dina Wiroll                                                

Feed Your Soul                                        

www.feedyoursoulnow.com                         

dina@feedyoursoulnow.com